Just a Little Taste…..

I bet you thought this post was going to be about food, didn’t you?  Well, it is partially.  However, I’m referring to spring.  Here in the midwest, Mother Nature has decided to give us just a little taste of spring with weekend temperatures in the 50s and 60s.  

I haven’t put my running shoes on since the Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving Day.  Even though we sprang forward in time this morning, I think I’m probably back to being at a “normal” time.  When I woke up, my clock said 6 AM – ahhh, awake at my normal 5!  I did lay in bed awhile, and knew today I’d be hitting the trail.

I walked more than ran, mostly because my calves and quads were screaming, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”  After hibernating all winter, I was now asking them to actually perform, and they were having no part of it.   The good news is that I haven’t lost much in terms of running time since last fall, at least in the first half of the run.  I hit my designated spot in exactly the same time.  

I have to admit it felt great to be outside again and seeing other runners and walkers.  I decided to force myself to do an hour this morning, partly because of the lack of running – and did the long way back.  I did run up the big hill because my theory is the sooner I get up it, the quicker I’m done.  I was surprised I could actually do it.  Coming home though, I had to use my inhaler again because my asthma is acting up, but overall, I’m so glad I got out.

Now, speaking of food, I think I’ve eaten more in the past two days than I have in years.  I don’t know what the issue is and I have no excuse other than it was there.  I ate so much food on Friday that I wasn’t even hungry by noon yesterday when we met my mom for lunch.  I had soup and salad and was stuffed.   Time to reign that in!

On a more serious note, this weekend is significant for me.  Ten years ago yesterday, I left the abusive relationship I was in.  Ten years is a long time.  On Friday, on my way home from work, I was on the bus and standing at the back door because my stop was next.  As we were sitting at the stop before mine, I looked out the door and right there was my abuser – inches from the door.  All those old feelings hit again – the fear starting in my throat and shooting down my body.  I turned away, so he wouldn’t see me and he didn’t.  I thought I was mistaken at first, but looked again, and it was him.  The only good thing is that he looked horrible.  That made me feel somewhat better.  I thought, of all the timing in the world – almost ten years after I left I had to see him.  

Leading up to this time every year, I’m plagued with dreams of him and never realize until later why that it is.  When I left ten years ago, I left with nothing.  None of my furniture, very little clothing, few toiletries, nothing except my car – and mind you, everything in the apartment was mine.  I left with myself, the bills and financial and emotional ruin.  A kind friend took me in, because I didn’t have enough to get an apartment and was essentially homeless.  I was incredibly broken.  Five years after leaving, I had paid off all the debt from that devastating relationship and  bought a home (on my own with no help from anyone) and ten years later, I’m still in my house with a job I love and a circle of friends I trust.  I don’t know that I could imagine this place ten years ago.  

My running playlist is filled with titles like “Alive,” “Part of Me,” “Catch My Breath,” “Fighter,” all symbolizing where I am.  I am grateful for my life today.  I remember shortly before I left, one of the things I wanted to do was go running in the mornings.  I wasn’t allowed because it was “too dangerous.”  I realize that translates to me possibly running away and never coming back now.  I have a life now where I don’t need permission from anyone to do anything. 

I’m starting to finally do things I haven’t done in a long time – I know, I know, ten years is a long time to wait.  Tomorrow night, I’m taking a hot yoga class and while I’m nervous, I am going to try it – who knows, I might love it.  

It’s time to dance through life like no one is watching.

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